Monday, 16 April 2012

Me and myself

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I've maintained for years that you can be a totally contented person without being in a relationship or being married. I know many happy and unhappy singles and, I also know too many miserable married. Happiness and your marital status are, it seems to me, totally independent.

Whether any of them are ever truly happy is doubtful as they do not seem to realize that happiness comes from within. We can only be happy when we are content as individuals. If we seek for others and circumstances to make us happy we will be forever searching. Now people put more emphasis on happiness. They are no longer content to do what society or their family expect of them.

Should we women settle for someone that’s good “enough” instead of holding out for the perfect guy we deserve?

Marriage is not a fix for everything. It won’t just automatically make you happy. In fact, if you marry the wrong person, it will inevitably make you incredibly unhappy.  What if you are happy with your career…your friends…your family?   My parents once said…”if you can provide for yourself and your family better than what I have provided for you, you are considered successful”.  I will hold on to those wise words.  Why should I settle for something less.

Men think that at my age I am desperate to get married.  Well, they are wrong.  If I have to provide for food, clothing, roof above my head, bills, work, etc, why do I need a man?  Why do I have to add an additional burden on myself when I am currently happy with what I have achieved?

Men have forgotten. They always think that marriage is according to sunnah. That is true. But when comes to responsibilities, they can pick and choose (especially when it concerns money... "I only have enough for myself". And I have also met men without shame had asked to borrow money for the lady's hand in marriage, so as to cover the man's pride. Well I have my pride too. My pride was bruised thrice. 

I had my fair share of rejections.  I would never want to minimize the pain and grief that rejection has caused me or to suggest that the spiritual idea has completely insulated me from trouble. But I am learning to understand it, and to live with it in a world that has much pain and trouble. I can only plan, but ALLAH is the best planner. HE must have a plan for everybody. Our task is to discover and accept that plan for ourselves. If something is wrong for me, I cannot be accepted for it.

I take comfort in the ones I love and who love me.  They get me through it every time and I’m grateful for those people in my life. الحمد لله


  1. Dear Sis Asma,

    There are many rewards and benefits to marriage..but I am sure you have considered this when writing this post.

    Insyaallah, you will meet that one person fated for you by Allah.

    Love is fair as Allah knows truly what’s best for us and we know nothing.

  2. I strongly agree & no objection. Thank you very much.